Peace and Quiet
by blueandblack
Summary: Set after Eclipse, ignores Breaking Dawn. Jacob comes to Bella's wedding reception. Sort of.


Bella had only had one slim flute of champagne, but all the excitement of the day, all the exhaustion of the days preceding had caught up with her, and that, coupled with the fact that she'd never really had a drink before – does a dash of rum in the nog at Christmas count? – had left her light-headed and flushed.

Edward had told her to go upstairs, splash some cold water on her face and enjoy the peace and quiet for a few minutes, he would hold the fort while she was gone.

She grinned at her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she thought of him, so supportive and considerate, so impossibly sweet, so _Edward._ Was he already gunning for Husband of the Year?

Then she frowned when she realized she couldn't very well splash water on the delicate paint-job that Alice had – repeatedly - called her "greatest oeuvre."

She settled for pressing her cheeks to the cold glass instead, one after the other, sighing at the relief, breathing slowly in and out, trying to center her thoughts, shake the strange, sleepy fuzz away.

She turned around with a sigh. Edward had told her to take her time, he could cover for her for at least twenty minutes, but she was ready, she could go back down now, she was pretty sure she'd be fine if she had a glass of water and –

There was a figure standing by the bedroom window and the shape of it, silhouetted by the glow from outside, was disturbingly, achingly familiar.

_Oh you are not fine. Hallucinations mean you are not fine._

"Hey," Jacob said simply, feather-light but still rough, low, still his voice, absolutely his.

_Not a hallucination, oh my God, not a hallucination._

Bella took a step toward him on liquid legs, shook her head softly in time with her whole body, tried to swallow her breaths because they were far too loud in the silence, the silence that fell around them everywhere like snow, soft, shocking-cold, burying them alive -

"Wow," she said finally, because she had to say something and she decided that one syllable was all she was going to be able to get out at this point.

A beat. Two, three.

She stumbled toward him, arms outstretched, and in the second or so it took her to reach him he tried valiantly – okay, halfheartedly - to object.

"Bells, I'm kind of filthy and your dress will - "

"I don't care about the stupid dress," she whispered almost angrily, a little surprised in the back of her mind, because she liked the dress, it was beautiful, and she didn't want to hurt Alice's feelings or look like a wreck in front of everyone but she didn't care, she just _didn't care._

Jacob's arms were tight around her now, fingers stretched right around and clinging to her upper arms on either side, and his face was buried in her neck, her cheek pressed against his chest, his sweat and her tears a salty mess on his skin.

His body shook against her, around her and she'd only felt something like that with him once when he'd been laughing and really how was this funny, what on earth was there to be laughing about right now and what made him think –

It took her that long to understand.

_Not just my tears._

Bella pulled away from him, pushed and pushed at his chest till he lifted his head, track marks evaporating on his hot cheeks almost before she could see them, almost.

Her mouth twisted with emotion and she trapped words inside – _don't cry, you're so beautiful, I love you, don't cry_ -, reached up on tiptoes, hands fluttering at his neck, peering into his face in the half-dark.

"Jacob, Jacob. Jake. Where have you been, I – Jacob."

She was babbling and if that hadn't made him smile, it would have been the blackish smudge along her jaw-line – he'd been running through dirt and trees for days, running on a burning instinct that said _no no no no no_ till he reached this precise spot, here, now, Bella.

"Stop smiling," she commanded, angry again, more tears bringing mascara down to join her other stains.

"Sorry." His lips stretched higher, wider, he couldn't help it, couldn't help saying "You look really pretty, by the way" when he remembered the last time he'd seen her done up like this – albeit a little less bedraggled, a little less all-in-white.

Bella giggled sharply at the echo, sobbed her way out of it on the same hysterical wave.

"Stop it, stop it, Jacob, I'm scared, where have you been, please, I - "

She interrupted herself when his smile faded, pulled him down to her, kissing his cheek, then the other, then his earlobe while she whispered "You're here", slid her fingers into his stringy hair with a shaken sigh when he confirmed it "I'm here, honey, it's okay, I'm here".

There. She had what she wanted. Jacob, home and safe.

And yet the relief bubbled into something else, more pain, a deep ache thudding between them and loss, _loss_ when he was _right under her fingers,_ and Bella kept kissing him reflexively, just his cheeks, just his jaw and his temple, just –

He was kissing her too, a perfect mirror circling her face, and every time his lips closed around her skin his hands gripped a little tighter, crawled a little further down her back.

She should have stopped, should have made him stop. She should have stopped this when she heard him groan at her neck, should have stopped it a second or two later when he pulled her against his stomach and she felt the muscles there tense and quiver, and then she should have stopped it again a moment later when his mouth dragged to the corner of hers.

Those were all clear markers, signs that this was getting – _getting?_ – out of hand, and she should have been stronger, but he was here finally and he was intact, alive, and her mind melted into her body and reached for him when his lips parted hers.

_She tasted just like he remembered._

_He tasted like another world._

When they finally broke from each other a slow moan fell between them and Jacob grinned, pressed his forehead to hers, muttered "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, huh?"

Bella shuddered. She had been reeling and now all the pieces of her were settling in sweet, hideous patterns. She pulled her arms out of Jacob's, stepped back as the thick warmth in her stomach was diluted with nausea.

"Shut up," she said, quiet-harsh.

Jacob was _this close_ to making an ill-chosen gag about the honeymoon being over when she spoke again, saved him from himself.

"Why are you here?" she croaked out, wiping at her lips, looking around her. "Why now Jacob? What do you want?"

"You know what I want," he said, fighting not to sound too heavy with sadness, desperate to prevent her hearing _I feel lost, defeated_ in his voice.

"Well you can't have it," she snapped, tugging at the satin under her fingers. "I'm sorry. That's just the way it is."

She made the mistake of looking up at him then. His face, his pain, even with everything he was holding back, crumbled her, made her take a step toward him, say "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I do love you, I do, but it's - "

"If you love me then don't do this Bella, please. Just don't do this."

He wished it wasn't so blunt, but there was no way to sugar-coat it, no way soften the blow. It was that simple, it had to be.

_Don't do this._

"Jacob, I'm already…"

She blinked rapidly, tried to make her face hard again, hissed "This is the _reception,_ you idiot. It's _done._"

He shook his head, took one of her hands, she pulled it away, the other, the same.

"It doesn't have to be Bells. It's just paper," he moved toward her, took her trembling fingers in his more firmly this time, ran his thumb over the wedding band. "It's just paper and metal, that's all."

She stared down at their hands, at the dark on light, his fingernails cracked, full of soil like he'd been digging, hers clear and lightly polished by Alice, her friend, her _sister._

"No it's not." She looked up slowly, soberly. "It's Edward's heart."

Jacob knew it wasn't strictly fair, knew it certainly wasn't manly or attractive, but he couldn't help answering that with "Right, _Edward's_ heart."

Bella sighed, pulled away and felt her hand slide easily from his.

"I'm sorry Jacob, I really am. I hate hurting you, so much. But he's my husband, and I have to go now."

He nodded slowly, staring out the window now, brow, cheek, mouth, jaw, throat, all twitching in a syncopated rhythm. "Right, husband, go now. Gotcha."

She was nearly at the door when he caught up with her. "Bells, wait!"

Bella turned around, heart heavy, full with guilt and wanting. "Jake, please, just - "

He was smirking and his eyes were darting from her face to her dress.

"Seriously honey, you can't go down there like that."

--

Bella was back in the bathroom and Jacob was dabbing pointlessly at a dark smear on the ivory satin.

"Oh God," Bella rolled her eyes, tried to make her voice low and husky. " 'Trust me Bells, I know what I'm doing.' "

He chuckled. "Well I told you I needed salt for this!"

She nodded. "Uh huh, and I said 'Yeah great, which one of us is going to go down to the kitchen and get it?' "

He grinned. "It's not my fault you don't keep salt in the bathrooms, like, uh, normal people…" He trailed off, examined the area. "Yeah this really isn't going to work."

Bella groaned. "Oh God oh God oh God oh wait!" She brightened. "There was a shawl thingie, in case I got cold. It's pretty big, should cover the bad bits."

She twisted around, looking down at herself, assessing.

Jacob shook his head. "_Now_ you remember."

Bella was busy trying to remove the mascara from her face without taking all of Alice's hard work with it, muttered "Quiet you, it's been a long day."

He stepped behind her with a smile born of random, undeniable affection. "Well if you're just going to cover the mess up, I may as well give you a nice, big hug before you go down and - "

She squealed when he wrapped his arms over hers, pressed his lips to the nape of her neck and spun her around once.

"What the hell are you doing! We've been through this Jacob."

When her feet found the floor, she wriggled around to face him, which was a bad move because even though she had chased her giggles away, even though she was scowling now and pushing at him with all her might, she couldn't quite help kissing him back when he pressed his mouth to hers.

Her fingers tightened over his elbow, the shifting bulge of his upper arm, and when his tongue slid like summer sun against hers, her mind was just layers of _Oh God, not again, this is bad, this is so, so bad,_ under layers of _more more more and more and more. _

When it was over she stared up at him, said weakly "I'm going to wipe whatever crap you just left on my face off. Then I'm going to go find my shawl and go down to my wedding reception. And most importantly, you're going to stop doing that. Okay?"

He didn't reply, but at least he let her go.

--

She was nearly at the door – again – when he caught up with her – again – and asked if she wanted him to stay.

"What?" she squeaked out, fingers tapping nervously at the brass knob. "You can't stay - "

He saw where she was going with that, shook his head. "Not _here,_ silly. Just around, in the area, you know. Stay."

She stepped quickly toward him, reached out a hand to his, pulled it back because he really was filthy and she didn't want to have to go back to the bathroom _again. _

She bit her lip, wished she could say _No, go. I love you, but go._ instead of "Yes. So much. _Please._"

The doorknob twisted, creaked.

Jacob smiled softly as he watched her walk away.


End file.
